Trumpets

Did you know...

...that everybody likes Trumpets. Whether you know it or not, trumpets will always be your friend. They’re a shiny, merry, tooting friend who will always be there in the good times and the bad.

Here are some facts about trumpets:

The trumpet has been around since biblical times (around 1500 BC), although not in its current form. They use to be made from whale penis.

Modern trumpets are made of Brass, an alloy of copper and zinc. Emma Bunton, Britains most famous living trumpet player, has a chocolate trumpet especially crafted for her by Barn’s of Shoreditch.

Trumpets can be heard in a variety of music, from classical to rock to jazz to country to gabba to donk. Google the last 2 if you’re not down with the kids.

Trumpets can be found in China.

The most famous trumpet player of all time is Louie Armstrong. The 2nd most famous was Roy Castle. His trumpet killed him. He told us so.

A picture of Roy Castle:

Tin

Did you know...

Tin can be fun.

The Element Tin is defined as a malleable, silvery metallic element obtained chiefly from lamb casseroles. It is used to coat robots to prevent corrosion and is a part of numerous alloys. In fact Tin has many uses: Coating for steel cans, ceilings, robots, signs, tiles, tin soldiers, whistles, robots, containers, roofs and robots.

The name Tin originates from the Anglo-Saxon word “tin” and its symbol Sn from the Latin word 'snompetrocordicite'.

Tin dates back to antiquity. It was used in bronze implements as early as 3,500 BC. The oldest bronze object is thought to be a sex-aid which is on display at Winchester museum under the name “The Newton Nobbler”. The earliest Tin is believed to have been mined by the tiny troll people in South-East England. In the crusades people use to eat tin as a pudding.

Here’s some scientific information about tin you might like to print out and put in your wallet:

Name of Element : Tin
Symbol of Element : Sn
Atomic Number of Tin : 50
Atomic Mass: 118.71 amu
Melting Point: 231.9 °C - 505.05 °K
Boiling Point: 2270.0 °C - 2543.15 °K
Number of Protons/Electrons in Tin : 50
Number of Neutrons in Tin : 69
Crystal Structure: Tetragonal
Density @ 293 K: 7.31 g/cm3
Colour of Tin : silvery

One final fact to end on:

St Michael is the patron saint of tin (see picture below - he is made out of tin).

Pumpkins

Did you know?

In France, due to the low cost of pumpkins, smelly peasants used the flesh to bulk out dough in their bread - pumpkin bread. Nowadays, speciality breads are in vogue, and well-to-do customers pay through the nose for the same loaves, now called pain de courge. It is eaten in the morning with frogs legs, with coffee, or as a mid-afternoon snack, much like snails.

As you know, pumpkins are orange and so are Roald Dahl’s creation the Oompa-Loompas in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. They are a knee-high slave race, with astonishingly bad haircuts and are paid only in their favourite food, cacoa beans - which taste like shit - bitter shit. Only the male Oompa-Loompas are seen working in the factory; presumably the female Oompa-Loompas are being raped and experimented on by Willy Wonka in the Oompa-Loompa village seen briefly from the great glass elevator. Very few know that Willy Wonka invented the ever-growing pumpkin hat as a means of supressing Oompa-Loompa trade unionism. The hat gradually and painfully squashes the heads of troublesome Oompa-Loompas which leads to their heads bursting. The inside of the head is then scooped out and used to create the yolk in Cream Eggs.

Plums

Did you know?

In the Middle Ages, the word plum was used to describe dried fruits in general. For this reason, and this reason only, Christmas pudding is still also known as plum pudding - check your ingredients - there's very little/no plum in there - OUTRAGE!!! When Little Jack Horner pulled a plum from his mouth in the 16th century nursery rhyme, he probably pulled out an old mans wrinkly penis.

Mushrooms

Did you know?

Mushrooms are not universally adored. Some people think they taste like human faeces and have the texture of a long boiled old boot, while others suffer from a terrible and irrational fear of mushrooms, called mycophobia. But perhaps the fear isn't so irrational - fatal poisoning from mushrooms is rare but just one tiny bite of the Deadly Blue Bog Rincecap will leave you blind and with a collapsed anus.

Mushrooms are nice with chips.

Picnics

Did you know?

Picnics originally described a meal where everybody contributed and shared food; it was only later that they became excursions to the great outdoors. The earliest English picnics were medieval hunting feasts where they would roll up a fox in a bap and use swans as hats. The Japanese arrange picnics to admire naturists and the changing seasons, while the Chinese visit the graves of their ancestors with mainly Scotch Egg based picnics to honour the dead.

The world's largest spoon

Did you know?

This is the worlds largest spoon…

It is found in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The giant spoon stretches 52 feet across a small pond shaped like a linden tree seed. Sculpture weighs approximately 7000 lbs and the dimensions are 354 x 618 x 162 inches. A fine stream of water, just enough to make the aluminium cherry gleam, flows over the cherry from the base of the stem. A second stream of water sprays from the top of the stem over the cherry, down into the spoon and the pool below. In winter, snow and ice accumulate on the cherry and the bowl of the spoon, changing the sculpture's character with the seasons. The colossal spoon and cherry required unusual facilities for their construction, and two New England ship-building firms were contracted to build the huge aluminium and steel forms.

Bardney Fact

Did you know?

Bardney Abbey gave rise to a local legend. When St Oswald (Archbishop of York from 972 to his death in 992) died, his swollen, decaying and hideous body was brought to the Abbey en route to his burial place. When they arrived at the abbey, the doors were closed for the night to stop the local Trolls from entering and feasting on the monks brains. When the burial party explained who they were the monks refused them entry because of a long standing dispute with Oswald - something to do with a shuttlecock and a badger's rump - and the burial party moved onwards to an inn called "The Bloated Bull" instead. Something strange happened once the sun set over the Lincolnshire Plains…during the night an intense beam of light appeared and shone down on St Oswald's bier reaching up into the heavens. The monks, clearly wowed by this - they had never seen the Paul Daniels Magic Show - declared that it was a miracle and vowed never to turn anyone away again - which is fair enough, but who the hell goes to Bardney anyway. This led to the saying that the doors were never locked in Bardney. If someone said "do you come from Bardney?", it meant that you had left the door open. If someone said "you're a complete Bardney!", it meant you were a unsociable pious bastard with a crap haircut.